Life...

Not the kind of blog I saw myself writing today but I guess you never can tell how a day is going to go, or your mood for that matter.

Sun is shining, I should be feeling good but I just seem to be concentrating on the nagative today. I know I'm doing it but I can't seem to snap myself out of it. A combination of money troubles, an essay I haven't finished and well, my jobs shite.

(A nice long bank hol weekend ahead and I have a right face on.)

I know I can change each of these things, and that it takes time and I know that being happy is all about your attitude to lifes ups and downs....so why can't I shake myself up?

It's actually really frustrating, surely if your telling yourself to get with it and be happy, your mind would respond but nope. I feel like doing something crazy, like just saying feck this (to my boss) and walking out of here (work)and well, get out of here.

Just a rant really. I hate not being the positive person I know I am, thats more frustrating than anything else I guess. I just can't find that person right now.

Ah well, gotta take the rough with the smooth hey.

K

ok, so yesterday wasn't the best of days. Today however, I have a choice to make today what I want. Refuse to think negative. Get some work done (have the most boring job) so, will go into robot mode and get those jobs done. Have a phone interview at 4pm so will have to sneak into the cleaners cupboard to do that...bit shifty but what the hell. This place is sapping my life out of me.

So, positive thoughts it will be. I will get another job, all will be well. I do think everything happens for a reason and when we go through the shite stuff, its all for the best in the end.

PMA PMA PMA PMA

And now my fecking bath is cold. What happened to feeling at peace and flying bloody high!

Right, I was just about to log off and thought I'd pop on internet banking to see how much I have left. The bank have fecking charged me £200 for going over my overdraft!!!!!!! The fecking barstewards.

Can't beleive this, not only was I having an extremely productive night, but I spoke to someone from the bank a fortnight ago and she said they would not charge me this month, she assured me there would be no bloody charges.

I am so going to do that claiming back of the bank charges thing. Has anyone else done this?

I have been putting it off (my usual procrastination) but this has well and truly kicked me up the arse. Humph! and £$%$^%$*&()_(%^^%$^£$%"$%$£%$£%$£!!!!!

Well, I made myself do the list of things that I'd been putting off and after making a few phonecalls and doing a few hours study am feeling at peace with meself. Have now ran a hot bath (which is too bloody hot so thought I'd take the time for it to cool to post an update....although I could have just put the cold water tap on).

Anyway, I think its dawning on me that if I wait around to become motivated to do the crappy jobs (which to be honest, I can't ever see myself getting excited about)then I'll never get round to it....so, the motto of the day is that action comes before motivation. ie: get up off arse and do it even if you can't be arsed. I find that the thinking about doing it is much worse than just bloody doing it.

Small rant but needed to be done.

Finding this blog lark quite theraputic. I'm so gormless, I didn't realise other people could read my blog unless I invited them to...but thinking about it it isn't so bad, you get to hear other peoples thoughts on the stuff thats important to you or going on in your life....I'll probably start attracting extra drama into my life just for entertainment value, not that I need to, I tend to make a drama out of most things anyway!

It's strange...for 23 years I thought I knew the crack in life and then this year, something major has happened to me and has just made me rethink everything, and challenge who I was before. I've just got so much going on in my head, which is why I probably decided to start a blog...get some of that extra energy out...am rambling again.

Tis all for now

Keree

Today I realised that you've got to get the things done that need doing before you can start day dreaming and fantasing about where you want to be and what you would prefer to be doing.

I didn't just realise this myself in a flash of inspiration.I happened to read my stars (normally I don't bother at all with them as who wants to be thinking, feeling and doing the exact same thing as a billion or so other Gemini's?) anyway, the stars said that I need to stop fantasing about my future and basically get back with the real world and sort out issues now before I end up in court/debt.

Which I wouldn't have taken any notice of if I hadn't had 3 letters in the last 2 days about money I owe. I must admit, I have been burying my head in the sand over the boring everyday stuff like this. I have been in la la world for the last month, since I found out what was wrong with me, I've felt excellent, huge weight off the shoulders which then has got my dreamer side spiralling out of control. It's ok to do 50% of that, but at the moment it really is 100%.

When I get home I'm going to ring everyone on my list (companies I owe) and just tell them I don't have the money....at least I'll know how much shit I'm in and can take it from there.

I'm then going to sit down and study for a few hours and then I will chill.

I know I'm bad (or good anyway depending how you look at it) with procrastinating but it just seems to have gotten worse of late. Well, the good thing is that I know now and will deal with it. Arrghhh. Hate dealing with shit like this.

I'll no doubt feel a whole lot better having done it though, I know that. It's just the actual doing it.